A Wish For A Memory
by ZARA2988
Summary: Pan struggles to move on a year after breaking off a secret relationship with Trunks. She tries to cope with the situation by spending her time a party where she confesses the truth to her ex-boyfriend Uub...only to complicate the situation even more. CHAPTER 3 is UP!
1. Chapter 1: The Present & Past

Chapter 1

Hope you enjoy the first chapter of this story. I'm highly motivated by constructive criticism and reviews so I hope to hear from all my readers.

Happy reading!

I feel like another person today…

As I grip the edge of the bathroom sink for dear life I realize that the alcohol has done more than impair my balance. I'm strangely aware of myself. The reflection staring back at me is not the tomboyish 14-year old from before. Now four years later, in her place stands an older teen with long hair, swept bangs, fuller lips, and blood shot eyes—I barely recognize myself and the euphoria I'm feeling right now. I came here with a purpose, which I could not accomplish in a right state of mind; I wouldn't have the guts for it if I was sober. One beer and five shots later, I was ready to jump into anything.

I stumbled to the door and held myself in place when I heard Bra moaning on the opposite side and I finally remembered why I had stayed in the closet sized bathroom for so long when I didn't even feel the need to puke.

"Shit" I sighed to myself. It usually didn't take people this long to do the deed. I hadn't expected the blonde Bra lured out to have that much stamina. From previous experiences I know it takes her half hour to wrap things up, today it felt like she needed an eternity. Maybe _he_ was lacking in the satisfaction department. I closed my eyes for what seemed like a moment trying to drown the noises coming from behind the door when it suddenly jerked open and I fell towards the muscular body that stood there.

"Sorry Pan, I didn't know you were in there" Uub said apologetically. I looked to the now empty bed behind him before I looked at him for the first time tonight. Unlike me he hadn't changed one bit—mentally that is, physically he was Greek god chiseled to perfection in all the right places, he had cut his Mohawk and re-grew his hair into a faux hawk instead. He had always been wonderful in every sense of the word, yet I couldn't figure out why I had ended our relationship almost a year ago. "I have no idea how you could fall asleep in here listening to Jake and Bra…while standing no less. I heard it all the way down the hall" he chuckled softly but it made my head pound, I didn't want to be alone with him right now, but I knew he probably had looked for us in the sea of bodies that were in the living room downstairs so I didn't push away. Uub went from being my boyfriend to care taker, always making sure Bra and I survived the night only to be murdered by our parents when they found out we had snuck out to go to a party. Still, his good intentions were never enough for me to forget to avoid any situation where he could get near me. I could tell he had been dwelling on what we had, I rarely did, and I didn't want to hurt him.

"I'm not ready to go home yet" I replied while trying to steady myself when I noticed he was holding my waist to keep me from falling, _'too close'_ I thought, instead he held me closer and tighter. "Haven't had enough yet?" Uub said a bit too solemnly for my liking—so he knew why I came to this ridiculous party. I didn't know a single person there, but I made it a point to get drunk beyond comprehension and mingle with most of the guys. I was desperate to find someone, anyone that would fill the void I've felt for the past year and a half…the same emptiness Uub failed to fill.

'_I have to stop remembering'_

I bit my lip trying to hold back tears, not in a million years would I had imagined that I'd be an emotional wreck towards a guy that might as well have been my other overprotective uncle—and I couldn't let Uub know that. I didn't know what to say to him, anything I said at this point would hurt him. I was drunk enough to have sex with the first guy that offered and apparently to admit it…

"Bra got in on some action" I smiled at him stupidly not knowing what else to do. "I think I deserve to as well" I let go of his shirt and I stepped back into the small bathroom, the place I seemed to have been cornered in the entire night, and as soon as I did that I regretted it, the action could be mistaken for an invitation. He followed in a few steps until he had me pinned to the wall, hands on each side of my face and his lips at the nape of my neck. "If that's really what you want I rather you use me than some low life that can get his way with you" his breath made shivers run down my entire body until a whimper escaped from me. How ironic, I thought the same thing when I had agreed to go out with him. But I also thought he would be the one to save me from the memories of the insanity I had live through.

He kissed my cheek and looked at me, _through_ me with the blankest stare and after a moment held my hand to walk me out of the cramped space. Suddenly the memory of a warm body over me flashed before me and the craving I felt for him ate at my being again.

'_I NEED to stop remembering'_

"Ok" I said as I pulled his hand back to me.

The look of surprise in his face was followed by a small smile and then his lips against mine—soft and gentle, just as he was. Uub's hands trailed my bare thighs all the way to the hem of my dress and any second thoughts I had about this agreement between us dissipated. In less than a few seconds we were back to the wall while our tongues melted each other and my arms encircled his neck bringing him impossibly closer to me. It was then when he lifted my leg to his side that I felt him inside of me and the noises I made matched the ones Bra made earlier this evening.

I felt whole again and the thoughts running through my mind were only of him and me. Each thrust made me feel incredible and they were exactly as I had remembered from our previous encounters; Uub was steady, tender, and loving. The word 'sex' was too dirty and animalistic to describe what I was doing with him and knowing this instantly made me feel like the biggest bag of dirt in the world. How could I be using him, toying with his feelings, for my benefit?

I was panting now. "Uub stop". He looked at me with longing and didn't grant me my request. Instead he crushed his lips to mine and kissed me so roughly that I did not recognize him.

"We need to stop" my words came out breathless in the second I managed to speak again. I moved my arms from his neck to push his chest away with no success. "Not yet" he replied before devouring my lips again.

The lights in the bathroom seem to get brighter and I could barely open my eyes.

_His lips were so rough on mine, as if he couldn't get enough and just when I felt the need for air he expertly trailed his lips below my ear lobe, down my neck and finally to my collar bone sucking lightly on each of the places .His rhythm picked up pace and the inside of my thighs burned each time his skin came into contact. My right leg was still lifted to his side when he picked me up from my bottom so I could in encircle his waist…letting him fill places deeper inside of me. My moans became louder as I gripped his shoulders with all my might. How could something make you feel so amazing and be painful at the same time? I didn't care. I didn't want him to stop._

"_I wanted you so bad" he whispered in my ear before I felt his damped forehead against mine. I finally managed to open my eyes despite the blinding lights and was met with the bluest sapphire eyes. We were both close to climax and I refused to take my eyes off of his. My muscles contracted several times and then I felt it—a fulfillment that I had never felt before. Once he helped me off him I wasn't sure how I was going to stand—my legs had turned to Jell-O. He grabbed my chin and lifted it lightly so that I was looking directly at him and he shot me the smirk that I was so fond of. "You're out of practice Panny, I remember you having more endurance". I couldn't laugh; the joke only reminded me how long we had gone without seeing each other and it only made me feel like crying._

"_I missed you" I was near tears and the sentence was barely audible to myself. "I missed you too" he kissed me once again. Short and sweet. 'Too short…' I thought. I grabbed his face ready to steal the longer kiss that I wanted. "Trunks…" _I said before meeting his lips half way when he ripped my hands away from him.

"What did you just call me?" Uub's eyes were wild and angry. My heart hammered to my chest, I was at a loss of words. I couldn't believe myself and still I was a bit angry at Uub too; he was supposed to help me forget, not relive a moment that I held so dear yet could no longer have. "Answer me!" he yelled and it only startled me more.

"Did you and Trunks…" I cut him off; I didn't want to hear it. "Please don't tell anyone" I said in a whisper. I could feel the tears streaming down my face and couldn't trust my voice not to break if I spoke out loud. I couldn't even apologize while I watched Uub put his jeans back on and storm out of the bathroom. It was odd finding myself in this situation, I didn't know what to do…it wasn't like myself, but then again I'm not the same person I was then.

_Two years ago_  
>it had been a day of firsts…<p>

It was Trunks' twenty-sixth birthday, and his first day living on his own. He had recently purchased a skyloft Penthouse in the most luxurious loft the city had to offer and I had to admit, it was very impressive. All the hours he had spent away from his friends…away from me, to be able to afford this privacy had finally paid off; but as I stood in the balcony taking in the beauty of the skyscrapers reaching well over the horizon I couldn't help but feel helpless.

"This is perfect hun" I heard Bulma's excited voice say to Trunks from inside the apartment where the party was taking place. "I can definitely see you here with a wife and kids" I imagined her winking at him. '_Straight through the heart' _I thought_, _it hurt so much just picturing him with another woman in his arms, I didn't know if I would be able to bear it if it were to happen.

I couldn't remember exactly when I had become so possessive of him, just that I woke up one day and realized how gorgeous and faultless he was. In a way it had sickened me, Trunks had been there for as far as I could remember; he had been another uncle figure. Who in their right mind fell in love with their relatives? When I thought about having the same feelings, the _thoughts _I had for and of Trunks for my uncle Goten I felt disgusted. But what was the difference? To this day I couldn't figure out the answer to that question.

"Miss I don't think we've been introduced" his voice broke my thoughts and when I saw him, I couldn't help the blush that crept on to my cheeks. He was dressed in black slacks and a button up, accompanied by a tie that only intensified the color of his eyes. He was looked astonishing.

"It has been a while, hasn't it?" I smiled at him from where I stood awaiting his familiar greeting. He hugged me tightly yet casually, very _appropriately_. "You look beautiful" he flashed me that smirk of his that made me weak at the knees. "Dresses suit you well, but from what I hear some of my co-workers already made you aware of that". They did in fact, every single one of them. I hadn't expected Trunks' new buddies to attend his birthday party, but even less, a swarm of men gawking at me like fresh meat—even though in a sense, I was. Sixteen years old, zero relationship record, no current boyfriend, in conclusion—virgin.

"They did" my eyes rolled unintentionally as I pulled back from his embrace.

"Be careful around them" he said sternly, like a parent would to their mischievous child.

"Ok Dad"

"Pan, if you were my daughter you'd be in a nunnery" he laughed, but I didn't find it funny. I didn't see him as my babysitter, my uncle, and definitely not my dad. "No man would lay a finger on you" he kept taunting me and he hadn't even realized how angry he had made me. I pushed him out of my way and headed to the edge of the balcony, I wanted to get as far away from him as I could until I could cool myself down. I knew how childish I looked; pouting over another one of his stupid jokes, but it really did hurt and the tears were beginning to sting my eyes.

His footsteps followed closely behind me and I climbed on top of the railing holding myself to the pillar on the corner of the building, not knowing where else to go.

"Woah, what are you doing?" Trunks ran closer towards me and stopped dead in his tracks when I tried to balance myself in the death trap heels I wore. This was a mistake; I could barely stand with them on flat ground, my first priority was distancing myself from him and then finding a way to get back on to the balcony floor safely.

"Trunks go away" I didn't want him to see the tears that were threatening to fall, it was so embarrassing; specially when I couldn't tell _him,_ my closest friend_, _what caused them. "Panny, I'm sorry if I said something that upset you. Did something happen between you and your dad? Come down so we can talk about it…like old times" the music inside had gotten louder, but I heard him clearly…the way he was starting to choke on his words. Nervous.

"I can't" I told him with a sad smile. I really couldn't—I would lose him completely and I didn't know if I was mentally ready for that.

"Pan, please come down" his voice was filled with worry. He was very cautious while approaching me— as though he didn't want to startle me with sudden movements. I couldn't understand why he was so worried, was I forever going to be the pestering kid he had to look after?

I didn't budge from the top of the railing and his brows creased. "I'm begging you" he said through clenched teeth as he extended his arm towards me. "Grab my hand" his voice was pleading me and his eyes demanded it; I had never seen him so on edge, not even in fights and for some strange reason I found it amusing.

The temperature had dropped several degrees since that afternoon and the short, white summer dress I wore did little to protect me from the icy wind that was blowing. A shiver ran through my body making me fidget against the cold pillar that I was holding on to and I almost lost my balance.

" Pan!" his scream came out hoarse.

"Trunks its ok, I'm an angel; I can fly" I said it matter-of-factly and looked into his eyes, smiling to reassure him that everything was alright. I didn't want to see that pained expression in his face anymore. "And where are your wings Panny?" his face was weary and his breath was visible in the air and I noticed him scanning me, analyzing the situation; going through every possible scenario in his head on how to remove me from the balcony rail before I accidently took a plunge to my imminent death.

"Right here" I let go of the pillar and extended my arms out and high pretending they were the most majestic size—then I saw the glint in his eyes. The fall happened so quickly that I had not comprehended what had happened until I was on the ground on top of Trunks. Our hair disheveled, his tie made into a complete mess, the straps of my dress hanging loosely at the sides of my arms…we had never been in this position before, me straddling his waist as he held mine and my hands firmly pressed against his chest. I had always fantasized it, but never in a million years would I have guessed I would actually be this close to him, welcoming the proximity with all of my being, the warmth radiating from his skin onto mine, the sound of his heart beat hammering against my palms. It was a funny thing how time changed people, the boy I looked to for protection when I was merely a baby, became a man who's embrace I sought and I cursed the heavens for making me so much younger than he was. It wasn't fair that the one thing I desired most I could not have.

"I just caught an angel, I must be the luckiest guy on Earth" he could tease me now that I wasn't standing on a ledge. I had enough of the over protection and the teasing; I was tired of being treated the same way as his younger sister.

"Trunks, you can stop babysitting me now. I'm not a little girl anymore; I can take care of myself" my voice sounded sad, probably matching the expression in on my face. I hoped it with all my might, that one day he would see me for the woman I was becoming. "I know Panny" one of his hands left my waist and caressed my cheek. "I have to get use to it, I'm sorry" his smile was sincere and I hated the fact that he was oblivious to what his touch did to me and how much I wanted him to desire me…to hold me.

I knew what I was about to do would make him stay away from me, but I needed some sort of closure; once he rejected me I would be force to face reality—that no matter how much I dreamed about us being together it would never happen, after all, I knew the feelings I had for him would not be reciprocated.

My hands were trembling, but I wasn't quite sure whether it was from the cold or my nerves. "I grew up Trunks" it came out in a whisper. I stared down as a placed my hand over the one that he held my hip with and guided it down, slowly, to the end of the hem of my dress. I heard him hold his breath when I curled our fingers around the fabric and pushed it gradually up to my thigh. "You think I haven't noticed that?" he said harshly as he brought my face closer to his, our lips merely an inch apart. "An angel…" he scoffed cynically. "More like my own personal, demon." He caressed my bottom lip with his thumb. "When are you going to stop tempting me Pan?" What was he saying? It didn't make sense. I was frozen in place, wondering if I had actually fallen off that balcony and somehow made it to heaven.

I was at a loss of words; all I could do was gaze at his translucent eyes until his lips met mine and my body temperature began to rise. The roughness of his kiss told me how long he had waited for it and I hoped the yearning in my eyes would tell him the same.

He snickered to himself "I'm going to hell" he rested his forehead against mine and I closed my eyes, enjoying the warmth that radiated from it.

"Then I'm coming with you" I took in his lips again, softly this time caressing every inch of his tongue.

It was the day I received my first kiss, the first time Trunks had even insinuated he felt the same way I did, the day we sinned… and I was on top of the world.


	2. Chapter 2: The Broken

Chapter 2

Hey guys, this chapter was done very quickly since I felt it was long overdue. Hopefully it will keep you guys interested to see what happens next; make guesses in your reviews! I would like to see who has a fair idea of where this is going, hahaha. Again thanks a million for your amazing comments!

"Make yourself look decent, my brother brought your uncle along" Bra said disapprovingly while she pulled the fabric of my dress lower as though it would stretch itself long enough to cover more of my thighs. I found myself looking once again at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and confirmed what I had suspected—I looked as shitty as I felt, _no._ even worse. My hair was a complete chaos and the mascara I had applied so skillfully before the party had smeared under my eyes. I felt a little more sober now and with the thick cloud of alcohol slowly dissipating from my system I could think more clearly; I was so disappointed in myself and the lengths of the actions I took…all because of a guy.

In one of her attempts to make the inflexible fabric yield, Bra's hands grazed the inside of my leg and I winced in pain; the bruises Uub left were turning a light shade of purple and then it dawned on me, _that's_ why Bra was so fixated on "altering" my dress— If someone put me in the middle of the street I'd look like a rape victim. The thought made me laugh hysterically. It was silly, we all saw Uub as a saint that was not capable of doing evil, yet if my dad or my uncle saw me in the condition I was currently in they would convince themselves of the opposite.

"Why are they here?" my voice came out unusually slurred when compared to Bra's. As far as I was aware we had agreed not to not tell anyone of our outing. "Our ride ditched us, I had no other choice" she eyed me questioningly. Bra wasn't stupid, she knew it took a lot for Uub to snap and apparently everyone knew he was hypersensitive to me. "Did you guys…?" she asked while looking at my bruises, I couldn't help but manage a light hearted laugh. "Yeah, we got a little rough" I kept smiling at her. It was all I could do. I couldn't explain to her why I had just had sex with Uub after I had made it clear that I wanted nothing more than his friendship— because no matter how understanding and how great of a friend Bra was, she would never understand the unhealthy attraction I had for her brother and definitively would not approve of what happened between us…or my methods of erasing those memories.

We were silent for a moment before Bra picked up a wet towel and worked on removing the black mascara from my face; that's what I liked most about her, she never pried; though I wished she had been anyone else's sister so that I would have someone to confide in. "Ok, that's as good as it's going to get" she said while inspecting me from head to toe. "Come on we have to go, they're waiting outside". My stomach began to twist at the thought of seeing Trunks again. It had been months since we had spoken to each other and the short walk from the bathroom to the drive way of the house did not seem like enough time to mentally prepare for this reunion. "I'm afraid of seeing Trunks" it came out in a small voice. I _was _truly terrified of seeing him, of not knowing what he would say to me, I just wanted to be reassured that everything was going to be fine. He was like a drug, I had managed to stay away from him with some struggle, I wasn't sure if I would be able to if I saw him again. Bra just laughed in complete amusement "It's ok; I'm usually the bad influence so he'll think I was the one who thought of coming here."

I felt my heart stop when I saw him leaning casually on the Jeep next to my uncle, his blue eyes pierced through my skin when his gaze finally met mine and all I could do was take it all in…the way the sleeves of his button up were rolled up to reveal his very sculpted arms, his lips, and the smirk they were set in—the anticipation in his eyes, he was up to something and it scared me. Every sloppy step I took towards him became more hesitant and Bra did nothing to acknowledge it except pull me harder to them. Out of the nowhere the image of being thrown into the cage of a hungry lion came to mind.

There wasn't an interexchange of hellos before my uncle began to scrutinize me—I was in trouble. "Pan, you're absolutely trashed" he said surprised and then moved to look at Trunks who stood with his arms crossed and apparently very amused by the situation. "Bro, there's no way we're taking her to her house while she's like that, Gohan is going to kill her."

"I'm fine" I argued, I _did not _want to be ditched at the party house until they thought it to be appropriate, they hadn't done it before because I had never been in this situation...But it seemed like a likely solution. My words were still coming out a little more slurred than I preferred and it only made me lose credibility. "You're right" Trunks chuckled "She can stay the night at my place. I'll make sure she's coherent by the time I have to take her home in the morning" he glance at his watch and corrected himself "Make that afternoon".

"I owe you man" my eyes widened in disbelief; I could not believe my uncle was agreeing to this. I was outraged. Did he really trust us two together? By ourselves? Again, the haze of alcohol cleared up just enough for me to see through it..Of course he did, Trunks was my uncle's best friend and use to be my guardian as well, and the right question to ask would have been WHY he wouldn't have trusted us together?

My uncle was obviously to reality.

Trunks propped himself off my uncle's jeep and made his way to the two door sports car parked behind it. "Come on Panny, it'll be a sleepover just like old times" he winked back at me. He was referring to our many sleep overs when I was young, when he was nothing more than the boy who played tea parties when my parents were out late. He knew how to piss me off. 

* * *

><p>Bonus <p>

_Bra_  
>another party, another guy, but after everything is all set and done I still feel empty—I want to feel truly alive…at least once. Was that too much to ask for?<p>

We left Trunks and Pan a few minutes ago and the adrenaline from the party has completely left my system.

I'm dead inside. I want to feel the rush from before.

"_You're fucking gorgeous" Jake nibbled my neck while my eyes adjusted to the dark bedroom. He was the host of this week's party and apparently I owed him a favor for graciously allowing me to attend his 'college-students-only-get-together'. There was a time when I'd be offended by him cornering me without even providing a simple introduction just to get me in his pants; I'd hurt severely because guys did not seem to find it worthwhile to know me before they screwed me…but not anymore, I built myself a superficial shell that no insult could crack. I was done with emotions yet I still craved them._

"_Can we get this over with? I have to go soon" he was handsome, very much so compared to my previous encounters, but he still didn't make me feel that non-existent fire that made you burn with fervor. "Don't sound so uninterested" he said while stroking my bottom lip with his thumb, the smirk on his face ever so sleazy, "I'll show you what the grown boys can do" he pushed me back slowly so that I was sitting on top of the bed. "I promise you'll like it" I didn't like the grin on his face, it was over confident and gluttonous—I was clearly just another conquest…an illegal one at that; he was a thrill seeker._

_What came next was pure ecstasy._

_The foreplay was nothing I had experience before. His lips against the tenderest part of my body made me moan with pleasure. It drove me crazy and he had been right...he didn't disappoint. Then came the sex—the meaningless act of intimacy between two complete strangers…after he's done he walks off saying 'Thanks' with the same satisfied look that the rest give me and nothing else. I'm not worth more than that._

I know I look miserable every time I catch Goten sneaking a glance my way. "What's wrong?" he asks, not taking his eyes off the road this time. The hour and half we have left to get to my house is not enough time to explain to him what's wrong with me so I just shake my head to say 'nothing', although that could not be further from the truth. My parents have provided me with everything a girl could possibly want and still, I lack that certain spark…the enthusiasm and passion I see in others. I used to be jealous of Pan, she _had_ the spark and then one day it was no longer there. I wanted to know what she had before that I seemed to have lacked my entire life, but asking was out of the question—it was our unwritten rule to not pry…so I stayed despondent. My phone vibrated so strongly that it startled me; a small envelope with 'Mom' written on it flashed across the screen. It was already five o'clock in the morning; about time my parent's noticed I was missing.

Mom: Where are you?  
>Me: Trunks'. Pan and I went to watch a late night movie with the boys. Text you when I'm actually awake.<p>

Mom: Ok, give your brother a kiss for me.

Me: Will do.

It was so easy to fool my mother. Did she really believe that I was the perfect daughter? Beautiful, smart, with a bit of a wild side as she would often say, or did she actually know me for what I was, a deceitful and comatose wretch. It was sad that my persona was a complete fraud even to my parents and for once I wished I could remember what I was like before I became this way.

The tears that came trickling down my face were bitter and I did what I could to muffle my sobs with my hand before Goten realized that I was having a meltdown.

His warm hand grabbed me gently by the chin, "That doesn't look like nothing"

He brought the jeep to a slow stop in the isolated area we were in and the only light that stopped the darkness from engulfing us were the headlights of the car. "Come here" he whispered while reaching for me to lock me in a hug. The action caught me by surprise and though it was meant to make me feel better it just crushed my heart…no one had bothered to hold me, _comfort_ me, like that in a while—and my cries just intensified.

"Bra…"

"Goten, why doesn't anybody love me?" I muttered between sobs into his chest. I really wanted to know the answer to that; why was it that I was never good enough to be more than everyone's one night stand, why was I not worth befriending? I just wanted someone to make me feel special, at least once…even that much was enough for me now."What?" he sounded incredulous. "Bra, what are you saying?" he pulled back to look into my teary eyes and I could tell that before I proclaimed this question he hadn't had the faintest idea that I was remotely emotionally distraught. "You have a family that adores you and you mean the world to your friends" he continued, "So what's making you feel that way?" I felt the warmth of his hand on my face, cupped tenderly on its side so that his thumb could wipe away the few tears that kept escaping my eyes and the soothing motion was making me better and sleepy. I wanted tonight to end already and I knew I could end the drama of tonight's chapter if I let it all out of my system.

So I did.

"I just had sex with a guy who doesn't know anything about me besides my name and it's not the first time I've done it either." I said flatly while staring at him, silently praying that it wouldn't change whatever way he saw me.

I felt his muscles tighten as he digested my every word, I wanted to seize the anger that was building up inside of him and let him know that unlike my first time the rest of them were my choice, but it was out of the question.

"Bra you have to stop" he said firmly "If not for you then for me, because I'd kill every single one of the bastards that dared touch you again". I could do that for him, because I cared more for his well being than mine.

" I promise". The jeep rumbled back to life as he kissed my for head, the seal to a deal between the two of us.


	3. Chapter 3: The Hearts

Hi guys, here is another full chapter. Let me know what you guys think! Please, as always, comment your thoughts and review! Thank you.

My uncle and Bra had been long gone and we were still going at it…

"Get in the car..." He commanded for the tenth time, jaw firm, but his voice smooth as silk. -And his eyes, forever pleading with me to stop being so stubborn. But I couldn't afford...he couldn't afford for me to do what he wanted.

He walked from where he stood near his car, closer to me, as a sea of party goers poured out from Jake's house and into their cars. The party had started to die down and we no longer had the luxury of having music drown our quarrel, now it was much easier to catch the attention of an audience. "Are we really doing this right now?" Trunks looked at the front door and then at me. I noticed the way he glanced at my lips unknowingly and the barely audible sigh that escaped him when he looked down at my hand, defeated, after his question was only answered with silence. The second I felt his hand on mine I flinched. Feeling the warmth of his hand radiating onto mine made my heart flutter and almost broke my resolution. I tried to pull back, but his grip was much stronger. "Don't" he said softly as he continued to look at our now joined hands, his mind now fixated on something other than getting me in his car. "I know you won't let me kiss you so the least you can do is allow me to do this..." he said while tracing every knuckle, every finger and every line in my palm that I hoped would say that at some point in our lives we were meant to be together.

"There's nothing wrong with holding hands..." he trailed off "family members do it...friends do it..."

My heart was breaking.

"I geared the conversation to a different direction. "Why are you here Trunks?" I asked firmly. I really, truly, wanted to know the reason why after all these months of separation he had decided to back on his word and come looking for me again...he wasn't making the situation easier for either one of us.

"Bra asked me to come. Now will you please get in the car?" I had just broken the spell he had been in.

"No" I had him at his wit's end. Trunks let go of my hand and dragged his down harshly over his face, down to his mouth as if to stop himself from verbally unleashing hell on me.

"Pan, seriously, its 2 o'clock in the morning, get in the car" Now there was a hint of annoyance in his voice. I was still standing in the same place I had stood with Bra forty five minutes ago and I had no intention to budge. It might have seemed silly to the onlookers that exited the home; I could only speculate what they thought they were witnessing—A. lovers quarrel after the best party of our senior year? B. A brother trying to get his unruly sister back home safe and sound? Or C. A guy trying to get lucky with a girl he just met.

"Hey Handsome" I turned to look at the girl hollering our way and instantly assumed that option C registered as the most likely option to describe out scenario. "I'll go home with you if she doesn't want to" my mouth dropped. The blonde had some real nerve to say that, for all she knew he could have actually been my boyfriend. He _had_ been. Her comment had ticked a nerve—I was fuming, but I didn't let it show. My relationship with Trunks had been complicated even before it started and it continued to be after there was no relationship at all. Conveying my feelings was an art I had mastered for his sake more than mine. The repercussions of anyone finding out we were together would have been the loss of his freedom I just wouldn't have been able to live through that had it actually happened. "Thanks for the offer, but I don't do easy" Trunks winked at her as he swooped me up in his arms when I was caught off guard, mouth still slightly agape from witnessing that caliber of audacity from a complete stranger.

The blonde was not as amused by Trunk's reply as I was stomped to her car while flipping us the finger while trying to walk as gracefully as it was possible for any inebriated girl with 8" heels

"You didn't have to insult her" I said trying to wiggle out of his hold.

"And she didn't have to disrespect you" He said matter-of-factly. Trunks had finally managed to get me in front of the car door and just when he was about to claim victory by pushing me back into the sit, I held on to the sides of the door frame in protest.

It was late and he was tired...I knew he wasn't going to fight me anymore all that would be left for me to do was figure out how to get home with neither Uub's or Trunk's assistance.

"Pan" he sighed for a second time that night, he seemed to be doing that a lot now. "I came because it was the only opportunity I've had in almost three months to talk to you". I saw how serious he was and held myself even though it wasn't cold, ready to embrace whatever he was about to tell me. "I'm leaving the country for a month, when I come back I'll be moving to West City". I sat down, I began to feel the world crumble from under my feet and I had to look away. My face felt hot and un-shed tears began to sting my eyes. I couldn't let him see me like that, if anything, this move was God sent. Now we wouldn't have to worry about running into each other at public places or even at Bulma's house when we both happened to visit, but it hurt so bad to even think that he wasn't going to be here anymore...even if we weren't going to see each other.

* * *

><p>Bra<p>

Have you ever experienced the feeling of being able to breathe again? The feeling of your lungs expanding with fresh air after being under water for so long. Long enough to experience the moment when your body, out of lack of oxygen and strength, decides to let go. The euphoria that you get from coming out from down under and thinking...I'm alive.

I'm happy.

I'm laughing so much my abdomen hurts.

For the half hour we've been on the road Goten made it his personal mission to make me smile & he'll never know the depths of my gratitude for that…for reminding me that I was capable of feeling something other than anger and sadness.

"I'm glad you found my jokes amusing" he says still looking straight ahead, one hand hard on the wheel, the other over my hand in a protective manner, and his smile ever so sincere and genuine. I like his smile. I like his smile a lot…probably a little more than I should. And now I'm finding myself smiling every time I direct I sentence his way. "I can't believe it took 18 years of my life to find out you were a comedian" Tucking my hair behind my ear I glanced his way in time to catch his smile growing a bit wider. In my mind I imagined the events of the night never happened; I never went to a party and never met a guy named Jake. Instead, the morning started out like a dream..not being able to remember how we got to where we were, just knowing I was happy in this car, with this person, laughing at barely memorable jokes while seeing the sunrise. Yep. That's exactly how I want to remember it.

"Goten…" I said as the jeep slowed down near the curve in front of my parent's house. As I stare at the massive architecture I notice I'm no longer in a hurry for _this_ to end.

"Yeah?" His voice sounded husky and tired above the humming of the idle engine.

"Thank you for everything, I mean it" I turned my body in the car seat to see him directly and fiddled my hands in embarrassment. "And for not judging me" I whispered and bowed my head a little so that my hair would cover the side of my face. "Bra, friends don't judge"he said as if I should have known better. I felt his fingers graze my cheek then tuck my hair back behind my ear. I liked the way it felt, to be touched in such a simple manner. It didn't mean anything and meant everything.

"But we're not friends" the words escaped me before I could really think about how they might be interpreted. For being in my presence for the entirety of my existence, I knew absolutely nothing about Goten. We never got around to associating with each other; I simply knew him to be my best friend's uncle and my brother's best friend. "Not like Trunks and Pan I mean" I looked up at him, taking in all I could of his expression to make sure I hadn't ruined the day by saying something insensitive. He had been taken aback until I explained what I meant. No one could deny it, Trunks and Pan were close friends...even closer than Pan and I were-and to be quiet honest, there were times I envied them for it.

To my surprise, he chuckled a bit. "You're right" he faced his entire body towards me mimicking my earlier actions. "So let's get to know each other" he said casually. "I'd like that" I felt shy and giddy. Butterflies causing chaos in my stomach from a comment only I would find flirtatious.

"I'll get your number from Pan tomorrow" I said as I reached over to give him a kiss on cheek. His cologne invaded my sense and I realized right then and there that I was slightly attracted to him. And what was not to like? He was sweet, thoughtful, kind and his good looks was just an added bonus. "Thanks again for saving me" I grabbed my bag and got off his Jeep. "Call me if you ever need anything" he said before driving away.

It's almost completely bright by the time I reach the door to house & realize Uub was leaning next to the door. I greet him with the infectious smile I couldn't get rid of, overflowing with so much content that I don't even wonder why he is waiting at my door way at six in the morning. "Where's Pan?" he asked flatly, his face completely emotionless. "Staying at Trunks' until she sobers.." Then I see it-he looks behind me and back to me...his expression turning into pure hatred. He scoffs, "so you're fucking Goten too" his eyes put out as much venom as his mouth did. "You truly outdid yourself tonight Bra, two guys in one night" he clapped.

"Bravo" He yelled as my hand connected to the side of his cheek sending his face the opposite direction. I bit my lip as hard as I could to stop the tears that lined up ready to fall.

"The hell is wrong with you?" I screamed at him literally inches from his face. He didn't move, his face still facing to the side, not meeting my eyes, ignoring me...because I was not worthy of an answer. I pushed him once and then again and again only accomplishing to rock him into the wall. "Why would you do that to me?" the tears fell uncontrollably. "You of all people" I couldn't stop sobbing. "You know!" I was holding him that against him, _He_ knew what happened to me and still...

"You weren't suppose to judge" I whispered, defeated. I wish I would have never gotten out of the car.

"You _lied_ to me" he finally snapped back. My eyes roamed everywhere. I couldn't focus with the pounding headache I had from all the screaming. I didn't know what he was talking about; there was a huge misunderstanding but he wasn't giving me space to talk.

"I didn't expect _you _of all people to keep things from me" he yelled, jaw tensed, his eyes also red from unshed tears.

"I don't underst-" he cut me off holding my face in place so I was forced to look at him. "Bra, tell me something" Uub pleaded, shaking with anger.

His eyes shut, "How long were Trunks and Pan together?" his voice faltered when he said her name. _Pan._

...and the tears fell down his face, "was she having sex with him while we were together?" _and my brother..._

_Run. run. run_

I run up the stairs, through the hallway and into my room. I'm shaking so badly I can barely dial Pan's number when I manage to find my phone in my bag, but when I finally do my purse begins to vibrate obnoxiously. _Damnit, of course she would forget her phone. _Against my better judgement I snatch her phone from my purse and go through her text messages, her pictures, anything that would proof what Uub claimed as the truth.

Everything was empty except for a draft e-mail from a year ago that seem to be unfinished. Forgotten in time or purposely left there as a remembrance.

_Trunks,_

_I'm so scared. My dad knows._

Hope you guys enjoyed. I'd love to read what you guys think or would like to happen next :)!


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